How to {try to} put yourself into labor...

I should have titled this post as "How to completely wear yourself out." :)

I'm full term now. Instead of thinking of 40 weeks as a "due" date,  I like to think of it as an expiration. In other words, let's get this baby out! On turning full term, I decided I would try coaxing Little Miss Baby #2 out of the womb. After all, the weather is beautiful and we're all ready to meet her! Why not?! Here is the step-by-step process of how I tried to put myself into labor. Unfortunately, it didn't work. But there's always next weekend. :)

1. Scrub the bathroom floor really hard. This requires you to get on your hands and knees, of course. While you're at it, clean the tub. Cleaning this hard is sure to get things working.
2. When you feel your contractions, take to the stairs. Bring em' on even more! I did the stairs at our house a few times, over and over. Surely, this will work. Right?
3. Eat spicy things. Phad Thai at a decent level and spicy rotel dip are sure to do the trick. I'm sure of it.
4. Do a somersault. This one took a little more mental motivation than I would have thought. But I got the job done. I recommend a softer surface. I did mine in the back yard. This has gotta be the winner! Right?!
5. Go on a long, brisk walk. We walked between 1 and 2 miles. I did lunges, weird stretches, and even jogged a bit. Surely this would jostle the baby and bring on the contractions. Surely!
6. There are a few other unmentionables. You decide if they're right for you. :)

I did all 6 of these blasted things on Saturday and Sunday. I thought that surely, SURELY, one would work. Or at least the combination of them all. But, here I sit with a baby still inside. All that I accomplished was completely wearing myself out, making it damn near impossible to walk or sleep comfortably, and gave myself a horrible bout of heartburn from the spicy foods. I guess my sweet babe just needs to marinate a bit longer. Harummpph...