family
Phil and I have always said we wanted to live a BIG life. It's sort of been our mantra from the very beginning. Even our relationship before we were married caused a stir in our group of friends. We fell hard and fast. We prayed together. We shared things. We spent a summer together, working in Jamaica. We stayed up way past midnight, chatting on my roof about love and God and traveling and whatever else entered our minds. In our little huddle of friends, these things were unusual. These things were to be saved for marriage, apparently. To us, it was the start of a BIG love.
When we got married, we were young. We're still young, I know. But we were married really young. We didn't have alcohol at our wedding, mostly to save money. But most of our friends weren't 21 yet anyway, so it made sense. Anyway, when we got married we had dreams of moving overseas and becoming missionaries or something close to it. We didn't buy gold or diamond rings because a missionary life couldn't afford or explain those things to those who have nothing.
In the same breath, we shopped at Wal-Mart, watched lots of TV, and favorited frequent visits to Houlihan's. We probably laughed at people who made their own pickles or hung cloth diapers on the line to dry. We sure didn't think it was admirable to share a car or go without buying paper products.
After graduating from college, we both got jobs. Real jobs. Phil began his career in social work and I became a teacher. (Sort of like missionaries, right?!) We continued to dream big: a trip to Italy, pursuing my music career, starting an Etsy business, getting better at photography, moving to a big city, etc.
We never became missionaries. Heck, we didn't even move to a different city. But we have done a lot in our four years. Our greatest accomplishment: our kids. Just because we haven't gone to Italy or toured the country singing, doesn't mean we should discount the wonder and greatness of becoming a parent. I'm proud to say we have two beautiful children at just 25 and 26 years old.
Yes, I knew having a baby would change our lives. I knew we'd be changing a lot of diapers every single day and wouldn't be able to go out on a Friday night when our friend's invite came on a whim. But parenthood has changed us deeply. It has transformed us, more than we could have ever expected. Our thoughts, ideas, values, beliefs - all changed. Our politics. The way we manage our money and spend our time. Where we buy our food, the way we decorate our home. The music we listen to, the movies we watch. The dreams we create together. Things do change, indeed.
I am so happy with the changes that came with the births of our babies. This past weekend, we stayed home. We didn't watch any TV. (In fact, I canceled our TV service just yesterday!) We didn't go shopping. We read, played outside, wrote in journals, made good food, laughed, and loved. Phil took Adair to explore a cave. I nursed Ingrid in bed, listening to the whir of the ceiling fan above us. We splashed in the rain. We made memories - simple ones that didn't require planning or display. Some might say we're becoming hippies, but I know this is right for our family.
Phil and I keep having the same discussion, over and over again. Are we going to move to a big city? Or do we want a simpler, country life? Do we want museums, art galleries, and coffee shops just outside our door? Or do we want to grow a big garden and get laying hens and give our children a few acres to soak up the sun?
Some might say we can have both. But realistically, the income of a social worker and a stay-at-home-mom can't afford the lifestyle of some hip urban chicken farmers in a DC loft apartment. A "big life" used to mean moving somewhere exciting, with tons of things to do, immersed in art and culture and surrounded by people who looked different than us. But now, I think we get to choose. I think we have options here. There is no one path for us. Everything does not happen for a reason.
We keep having these discussions because it's a decision to be made, not a calling, one way or the other. Having children has changed our definition of what it means to live big. Chickens, vegetable gardens, acres to roam... These might be the exact ingredients of that life we've begun to dream of. These might be the BIG things we've been looking for.
Time will tell. Right now, I'm finding happiness in the life we have chosen to live.
-L
When we got married, we were young. We're still young, I know. But we were married really young. We didn't have alcohol at our wedding, mostly to save money. But most of our friends weren't 21 yet anyway, so it made sense. Anyway, when we got married we had dreams of moving overseas and becoming missionaries or something close to it. We didn't buy gold or diamond rings because a missionary life couldn't afford or explain those things to those who have nothing.
In the same breath, we shopped at Wal-Mart, watched lots of TV, and favorited frequent visits to Houlihan's. We probably laughed at people who made their own pickles or hung cloth diapers on the line to dry. We sure didn't think it was admirable to share a car or go without buying paper products.
After graduating from college, we both got jobs. Real jobs. Phil began his career in social work and I became a teacher. (Sort of like missionaries, right?!) We continued to dream big: a trip to Italy, pursuing my music career, starting an Etsy business, getting better at photography, moving to a big city, etc.
We never became missionaries. Heck, we didn't even move to a different city. But we have done a lot in our four years. Our greatest accomplishment: our kids. Just because we haven't gone to Italy or toured the country singing, doesn't mean we should discount the wonder and greatness of becoming a parent. I'm proud to say we have two beautiful children at just 25 and 26 years old.
Yes, I knew having a baby would change our lives. I knew we'd be changing a lot of diapers every single day and wouldn't be able to go out on a Friday night when our friend's invite came on a whim. But parenthood has changed us deeply. It has transformed us, more than we could have ever expected. Our thoughts, ideas, values, beliefs - all changed. Our politics. The way we manage our money and spend our time. Where we buy our food, the way we decorate our home. The music we listen to, the movies we watch. The dreams we create together. Things do change, indeed.
I am so happy with the changes that came with the births of our babies. This past weekend, we stayed home. We didn't watch any TV. (In fact, I canceled our TV service just yesterday!) We didn't go shopping. We read, played outside, wrote in journals, made good food, laughed, and loved. Phil took Adair to explore a cave. I nursed Ingrid in bed, listening to the whir of the ceiling fan above us. We splashed in the rain. We made memories - simple ones that didn't require planning or display. Some might say we're becoming hippies, but I know this is right for our family.
Phil and I keep having the same discussion, over and over again. Are we going to move to a big city? Or do we want a simpler, country life? Do we want museums, art galleries, and coffee shops just outside our door? Or do we want to grow a big garden and get laying hens and give our children a few acres to soak up the sun?
Some might say we can have both. But realistically, the income of a social worker and a stay-at-home-mom can't afford the lifestyle of some hip urban chicken farmers in a DC loft apartment. A "big life" used to mean moving somewhere exciting, with tons of things to do, immersed in art and culture and surrounded by people who looked different than us. But now, I think we get to choose. I think we have options here. There is no one path for us. Everything does not happen for a reason.
We keep having these discussions because it's a decision to be made, not a calling, one way or the other. Having children has changed our definition of what it means to live big. Chickens, vegetable gardens, acres to roam... These might be the exact ingredients of that life we've begun to dream of. These might be the BIG things we've been looking for.
Time will tell. Right now, I'm finding happiness in the life we have chosen to live.
-L
8 comments:
lacy I love reading your blog- you have such creative ideas and write such deep words. we don't even have kids yet but I'm already storing away some of your inventive ideas!! our idea of a big life seems very similar to yours
That kind of life is the life I wish to live as well, so if you're a hippie, I'm a hippie, and I think we can claim that title with pride. We are often caught in the same trap of thoughts as to where to settle. My idea situation would be to have a few acres and a country type of life, but within a short drive to a nearby city with more cultural diversity, museums, festivals, etc. I think that might be hard to find here in St. Louis, but when the time comes we will definitely be looking.
We are cut from the same cloth, you and I : ) You're in a good place with so much ahead...this is the good stuff.
I love this post. These babies, they give us an amazing opportunity to be better people. Suddenly we start living the way we always felt that we should because we want to do it right for them. You can see how, filtering down, a new generation will grow up even more idealistic. They will take their ideals and grow gardens. From those gardens they will feed each other and, in doing so, create communities to feed the world.
Thank you for all the sweet comments, friends. I'm so glad we are taking this route and I'm glad others are doing the same. :)
-Lacy
I love this. You've discovered at a young age what the REAL big things are! I had three kids by the time I was 27 so I know where you are coming from.
I am a new reader (right here in Columbia!), love your blog and love this post. My baby girl is turning one in just a few weeks and I am finding myself longing for this simple life that you are embracing.
Lacy, I loved this.
We changed a lot too after having our children but I've always been a little bit of a hippie. We never buy paper products (with the exception of toilet paper) and we believe in the same principles you mentioned. It's a philosophy that guides a lifestyle that is really forward thinking in that we're accepting that less is sometimes more. Having it all means (to us) small adventures and closeness rather than anything else. It sounds like our financial circumstances are similar too--we're a one income family too and our budget is tight with a capital T. But that has brought out the best work in my creativity ever and I think being forced to be resourceful has made us smarter about a lot of things. And closer.
Loved this, Lacy. beautiful post--as always.
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